Being a parent is funny. Like the fact that I'm up at 3:19 am, looking at my computer screen, because my son decided that yelling for his coloring page in the middle of the night was a completely rational thing to do.
Or 9 days ago, when I was certain I smelled poop during my son's nap time. "Where is that smell coming from?" As an aside, when I smell poop and do not know where it is coming from, it is one of the most panic inducing things that I have ever experienced. I always make three hasty assumptions that get me flustered: it's on me, Titus thought that hiding a poop was funny, or that my entire house must just always smells like poop. I'm usually able to find the source and calm myself. On this particular day, I had my first true "What the hell is Titus doing?" experience. My potty trained two year old decided to poop in bed, wipe his adorable hiney with a fake plastic cookie, and then quietly returned to his slumber. Gross Titus, just gross.
Or 9 days ago, when I was certain I smelled poop during my son's nap time. "Where is that smell coming from?" As an aside, when I smell poop and do not know where it is coming from, it is one of the most panic inducing things that I have ever experienced. I always make three hasty assumptions that get me flustered: it's on me, Titus thought that hiding a poop was funny, or that my entire house must just always smells like poop. I'm usually able to find the source and calm myself. On this particular day, I had my first true "What the hell is Titus doing?" experience. My potty trained two year old decided to poop in bed, wipe his adorable hiney with a fake plastic cookie, and then quietly returned to his slumber. Gross Titus, just gross.
What is funny about parenthood is that this is a completely normal, everyday thing. As much as eating and breathing are expected, so are these parenting nuances.
One of the somewhat humorous parenting experiences is interacting with other parents. Whether it be social media or face to face interaction, having children puts you into an entirely different world. Many of my new friendships were built merely for the purpose of having other children for mine to play with. Not to say that I don't love, adore, and appreciate these friends, but many of them I likely would not have crossed paths with had I not been intentional about setting up playdates. The same goes for social media interaction. Parenting just opens up a new world, one of which you don't really know the full extent of until it hits you.
One of the somewhat humorous parenting experiences is interacting with other parents. Whether it be social media or face to face interaction, having children puts you into an entirely different world. Many of my new friendships were built merely for the purpose of having other children for mine to play with. Not to say that I don't love, adore, and appreciate these friends, but many of them I likely would not have crossed paths with had I not been intentional about setting up playdates. The same goes for social media interaction. Parenting just opens up a new world, one of which you don't really know the full extent of until it hits you.
Parent world is really hard for me, because it is such a personal experience. I do my best to be informed and make the best decision for my family, so living in a world where every parent believes that their way is the "right way" is difficult and frustrating. Social media doesn't help matters any. I feel a constant, incessant barrage of unsolicited advice and condemnation for not doing things "the right way". It's usually not directly aimed at my back, but there is a passive aggressiveness to it that can become infuriating and debilitating. Another aside: I have noticed a recent backlash against this, with many women blogging and posting articles aimed at making us feel better about our post baby bodies and other completely sane and normal insecurities. I think many of us are thankful; I feel a new wave of acceptance rushing towards us. It's just not there yet.
The other day as I parused over my facebook feed, I saw a number of comments directed towards "unspecifieds". You know, comments like "I don't know how any mother" or " Don't women know"? I refer to these as "Mommy bullies". I always take particular offense to these kinds of comments, even if I tend to agree with the heart of the argument. Why? Because the rhetoric implies that whoever does "x, y, and z" is surely unfit, ignorant, or worse, making a conscience attempt not do what is best for their child. I agree that there are some obvious things that all of us can agree on , but the comments I'm referring to are never about these things. The comments are usually personal convictions and choices that insinuate that if we do otherwise, we do not have our children's best at heart: things like breastfeeding, infant carriers, sleep scheduling, work vs. home, and the like. I know that assuming is not always wise, but in this case, I think we need to start making some assumptions about our fellow mothers and give them a break. Rather than being quick to judge, lets begin to assume. Assume that your friends are good people and great parents who love their children and are trying to choose the best options for them and their families. Assume that other parents are just as informed as you are, have weighed their options, and have made an educated decision. Assume that parents may not have had other options. Assume that other parents might actually love their children as much as you love your own. I know. Ouch. This is something I have personally had to work on, and it has made me a far more understanding and compassionate person when I see a women at her wits end. If a mother wants your advise and will actually use it, she'll seek you out, I promise. And if you later find out that those assumptions are not true, then you can get on your soapbox and yell from the rooftops so that everyone can hear you.